Teeth

As the old saying goes, "Ignore your teeth, and they'll go away." Here are some helpful hints for keeping that smile bright and healthy for years to come:

• Maintaining an entire mouthful of 32 healthy teeth can be a dauntingtask. Instead, just focus on 10 or 12 of your favorites.
• Toothbrush technology has made remarkable leaps in recent years. Select a toothbrush so advanced, you have no clue how to use it.
• If, while flossing, your gums begin to bleed, give them at least six months to heal before attempting to floss again.
• Befriend a tiny African bird with whom you can develop a symbiotic relationship in which he picks fragments of food from your teeth.
• Avoid patronizing dentists who received their degrees from the University Of Berlin Dental School between 1932 and 1945.
• To reduce wear and tear on your teeth, stick to soft foods like pudding and frosting.
• Remember those red tablets they used to pass out at school that, when chewed, revealed the invisible plaque on your teeth? Those were so cool.
• Brushing should always be done up and down, not with violent stabbing motions.
• Brush in the morning and before bed, as well as before and after every meal. Quit your job if necessary.
• If Toothopolis is threatened by the Cavity Creeps, immediately activate the alarm that shouts, "Cre-est!... Cre-est!"
• If you wear dentures, avoid soaking them in Coca-Cola overnight.
• An electric toothbrush is an excellent choice if you are so lazy that you can't even move a toothbrush up and down.
• Dentists have built an entire industry on the perception that they and they alone can provide dental care. Come on, use your common sense.