Sunday Service

It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon.  All the children were invited to come forward.

One  little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat  down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?"

The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."

Forgiveness

A preacher, in his Sunday sermon, used "Forgive Your Enemies" as his subject.

After a long sermon, he asked how many were willing to forgive their enemies. About half held up their hands.

Not satisfied, he harangued for another twenty minutes and repeated his question. This time he received a response of eighty percent.

Still unsatisfied, he lectured for fifteen minutes and repeated his question. With all thoughts now on Sunday dinner, all responded except one elderly lady in the rear.

"Ms. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?'

"I don't have any."

"Ms. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?

"Ninety seven."

"Ms. Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a person can live to ninety seven and not have an enemy in the world."

The little sweetheart of a lady teetered down the aisle, very slowly turned around and said: "It's easy. I just outlived the sons of bitches."

I'm Tired

One Sunday afternoon, the Pastor's wife dropped into an easy chair saying, "Boy! Am I ever tried!"

Her husband looked over at her and said, "I had to conduct two special services last night, three today, and give a total of five sermons. Why are you so tired?"

"Dearest," she replied, "I had to listen to all of them!"

For A Dollar

After church one Sunday morning, a mother commented, "The choir was awful this morning."

The father commented, "The sermon was too long."

Their 7-year-old daughter added, "You've got to admit, it was a pretty good show for a dollar."

What To Be Thankful For

The minister of the church was giving a Thanksgiving service.

A ragged man in the audience asked, "What is there to be thankful for?"

Surprised, the minister replied, "What is your name,sir?"

"Cause," was the reply.

"Well Cause, you could be thankful for your healthy body..."

"I'm blind and I have lung cancer."

"...or your family..."

"I don't have a family."

"...or your home..."

"I don't have a home."

"Well, then I guess you're a lost Cause!"