Inspiring Music

A minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building.

Therefore, he talked with the organist to see what kind of inspirational music she could play after the announcement about the finances to get the congregation in a giving mood.

"Don't worry," she said. "I'll think of something."

During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected, and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."

Just at that moment, the organist started playing, "The Star Spangled Banner."

Doe Re Mi Beer

by Homer J. Simpson.

Dough... the stuff... that buys me beer...

Ray... the guy that sells me beer...

Me... the guy... who drinks the beer...

Far... the distance to my beer...

So... I think I'll have a beer...

La... La la la la la la beer...

Tea... no thanks, I'm drinking beer...

That will bring us back to... (Looks into an empty glass)

Doh!

The Songwriter

"Hey, Bob! You say you're a songwriter?" Andy asked.

"I sure am. Why, I've written songs for Michael Jackson, Faith Hill, Ricky Martin, Britney Spears, and Madonna." Bob said, modestly.

"Wow! Have all those stars recorded your songs?"

"Well, actually, no, they haven't recorded them. I don't think they even sang any of them. I just said I wrote songs for them."

Dashing Through The Mall

Dashing through the mall…

On a late December day,

Through the $tores we go

Charging all the way…

Ching… Ching… Ching…

Bell$ on register$ ring

Making checkbook$ light,

Oh, what fun it is to buy up

Everything in $ight!

Ching… Ching… Ching…

Jingle Bells Jingle Bells

The kids all yell and scream

To us it sounds like anarchy

But to them it’s harmony-HEY!

Jingle Bells Jingle Bells

The children tipped the tree

Antique ornaments smashed to bits

The kids each say “not me”

Dad goes to work each day

Engineering things for flight

But his real job is at home

Refereeing little fights

Mom drives the kids around

In an ancient Caravan

Karate, swimming, children’s choir

Espresso in her hand-HEY!

Jingle Bells Jingle Bells

Jingle all the way

Our wish to you is that you have

A… Happy… Holi-dayyyyyyyyy.

Yesterday

Beatles Computer Song: Yesterday

Yesterday,

All those backups seemed a waste of pay.

Now my database has gone away.

Oh I believe in yesterday.

Suddenly,

There's not half the files there used to be,

And there's a milestone hanging over me

The system crashed so suddenly.

I pushed something wrong

What it was I could not say.

Now all my data's gone

And I long for yesterday-ay-ay-ay.

Yesterday,

The need for back-ups seemed so far away.

I knew my data was all here to stay,

Now I believe in yesterday.

Email Wonderland

(Sung to the tune of Winter Wonderland)

Another "ping"

Are you listenin'?

The puter screen,

Is a glistenin'.

With icons so bright,

They light up the night,

Welcome to the e-mail wonderland!

Gone away,

Are the hall talks.

Here to stay,

Is the inbox.

Flagged "urgent, please read!"

And "answer with speed!"

Welcome to the e-mail wonderland!

In the morning e-mails start to add up.

No lunch today cause messages abound.

Just click away and hope the server stays up.

You can't do your job if it goes down.

10 P.M.,

You're not tired.

The caffeine,

Has got you wired.

The day's not complete,

Till the last delete,

Welcome to the e-mail wonderland!

In the morning e-mails start to add up,

No lunch today cause messages abound.

Just click away and hope the server stays up.

You can't do your job if it goes down.

Until you,

Are retired,

The same old grind,

It is required.

You'll face unafraid,

That message parade.

Welcome to the e-mail wonderland!

Death Row

There was an inmate on death row, and he was scheduled to be put to death by firing squad the next morning. Throughout the day, the prison guards were being very nice to him. But when they asked him if he wanted something specific for his last meal, he didn't want anything special. When they asked if there was something special he wanted to do, he said nothing. It went on like this all day. Finally when he was put before the firing squad, the guard asked if he wanted a cigarette and a blindfold.

"No," the inmate said, "just get it over with."

"Well, is there anything that I can do for you before you go?" said the guard. "You didn't even want a special last meal!"

The inmate thought. "Actually," he said, "Music is my life. One thing I would really like would be to sing my favorite song, one whole time through, with no interruptions."

The guard nodded and told him to go ahead.

The inmate started "One million bottles of beer on the wall..."