Smartest Dog Ever

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb chops, please." 

Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly closes the shop. He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus. The butcher follows, dumbstruck. 

As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After awhile he stands on his back paws to push the "stop" button, then the butcher follows him off. 

The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the stoop. He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap! - Against the door. He does this again and again. No answer. So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, beats his head against a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door. A big guy opens it and starts cursing and pummeling the dog. 

The butcher runs up screams at the guy: "What the hell are you doing? This dog's a genius!" 

The owner responds, "Genius, no way! It's the second time this week he's forgotten his key!" 

A Son's Question

A little boy went up to his father and asked "Dad, where did my intelligence come from?"

The father replied. "Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine."

The Buffalo Theory

A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo. When the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

Smart Blonde

A guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He immediately turns to her and makes his move.

You know, " he says, "I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk."

The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the guy, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know", says the guy. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK, " says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff, grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat wet patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried pooh. Why do you suppose that is?"

The guy is dumbfounded. Finally, he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea!"

"So tell me, " says the blonde, "'How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"

Dental Hygenist

I took my family to the dentist for their routine examinations and cleanings. We're all sitting in the waiting room waiting for our turn. My wife went first, and then my children went. The waiting room is right next to the exam room and it's easy to hear what's being said in there. My youngest son in particular was very interested in listening to everything that he could.

Eventually it was my turn to see the dental hygienist. When I sat down I informed her that she had a lot to live up to.

She asked why and I told her my son said "a very smart lady had cleaned his teeth."

She was pleased, but wondered why he said that.

"Oh," I replied, "he went on and on about your intelligence. I did ask him why he formed that opinion and he said he heard everyone call you a Dental High Genius."