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Showing posts with label watch. Show all posts
Showing posts with label watch. Show all posts

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

A Blonde's Dogs

A girl was visiting her blonde friend who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.

The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and the other one was named Timex.

Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"

"HelllOOOooo," answered the blonde. "They're watch dogs!"

Thursday, December 17, 2009

What Time Is It?

A man is strolling past the mental hospital and suddenly remembers an important meeting. Unfortunately, his watch has stopped, and he cannot tell if he is late or not.

He then notices a patient strolling about within the hospital fence.

Calling out to the patient, the man says, "Pardon me, sir, but do you have the time?"

The patient calls back, "One moment!" and throws himself upon the ground, pulling out a short stick as he does. He pushes the stick into the ground, pulls out a carpenter's level and assures himself that the stick is vertical.

With a compass, the patient locates north and with a steel ruler, measures the precise length of the shadow cast by the stick.

Withdrawing a slide rule from his pocket, the patient calculates rapidly, then swiftly packs up all his tools and turns back to the pedestrian and says "It is now precisely 3:29 pm, provided today is December 17 th, which I believe it is."

The man can't help but be impressed by this demonstration, and sets his watch accordingly.

Before he leaves, he says to the patient, "That was really quite remarkable, but tell me, what do you do on a cloudy day, or at night, when the stick casts no shadow?"

The patient holds up his wrist and says, "I suppose I'd just look at my watch."

The Don's Rolex

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he called his grandson to his bed.

"Grandson I wanta you to listen to me. I wanta you to take mya 45 automatic pistol, so you will always remember me."

"But grandpa. I really don't like guns. How about you leaving me your Rolex watch instead." the grandson says.

"You lisina to me. Some day you goin a be runna da bussiness, you goina have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a couple of bambino. Some day you goina come hom and maybe finda you wife be with another man. Whata you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, 'times up'?"