Blonde Carpenters

Two blondes with hammers, Sue and Tracey, were doing some carpentry work on a house. Sue, who was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in. Tracey, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?"

Sue explained, "When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end, and I throw them away."

Tracey got completely upset and yelled, "You moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house."

Four By Twos

You know you're in trouble when you hire private contractors to build your house and they send out a crew like these guys...

Some men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the guys walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos."

The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"

The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck. He returned in a minute and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours."

"Alright. How long do you need them?"

The guy paused and thought about the question for a minute. "I'd better go check," he said. After awhile, the guy returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house."

Andy's Prison Stay

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison.

During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time.

After 3 years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area. Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community, and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over.

The warden was thinking of remodeling his kitchen and in fact had done much of the work himself. But he lacked the skills to build a set of kitchen cupboards and a large counter top which he had promised his wife. So he called Andy into his office and asked him to complete the job for him.

But, alas, Andy refused. He told the warden, "Gosh, I'd really like to help you but counter fitting is what got me into prison in the first place."