Flying Turtle

A young turtle is seen in the forest climbing up the trunk of a tree. It reaches the first sturdy branch of the tree and climbs out to the very end of it. At the end of the branch it hesitates for a minute before jumping off flailing its legs wildly tumbling end over end before smashing head first into the ground.

Slightly dazed the turtle gets up and starts climbing the tree again. This time the turtle passes the first branch, and starts crawling along a higher, less sturdy branch. Once again he reaches the end, hesitates, and then jumps off flailing wildly and end over end until he smashes head first into the ground.

This time the turtle seems clearly shaken up, but resolutely starts climbing the tree again. He bypasses both the first and second branch and climbs out the highest, most shaky branch. This time when he reaches the end of the branch he looks over and waves at two birds watching him.

The birds look at one another when the male bird says: I think it's time we tell him he is adopted.

Birds

A happily married man had only one complaint, his wife was always nursing sick birds.

One November evening, he came home to find a raven with a splint on its beak sitting in his favorite chair. On the dining room table there was a feverish eagle pecking at an aspirin while in the kitchen his wife was comforting a shivering little wren that she found in the snow.

The furious spouse strode over to where his wife was towering down the cold little bird. "I can't take it any more! We've got to get rid of all of these darn..."

The wife held up her hand to cut him off in mid-curse. "Please Dear," she said, "Not in front of the chilled wren."

Poor O'l Zeek

Here in Kentucky, you don't see too many people hang-gliding. Ol' Zeek decided to save up and get a hang-glider. He takes it to the highest mountain, and after struggling to the top, he gets ready to take flight. He takes off running and reaches the edge. Into the wind he goes!

Meanwhile, Maw & Paw Hicks were sittin' on the porch swing talkin bout the good ol days when maw spots the biggest bird she ever seen!

"Look at the size of that bird, Paw!" she exclaims.

Paw raises up,"Git my gun, Maw."

She runs into the house, brings out his pump shotgun.

He takes careful aim. BANG... BANG... BANG... BANG! The monster size bird continues to sail silently over the tree tops.

"I think ya missed him, Paw," she says.

"Yeah," he replies, "but at least he let go of ol' Zeek!"

Budgies

Two blondes walk into a pet store. The first says, "I want four budgies."

The salesman replies, "Certainly ma'am, would you like two male and two female, or all male or all female?

The blonde shoots back, "I don't care. I just want four budgies!"

The salesman, without losing his cool, continues: "Very well, what color would you like them to be? We have yellow, blue, gr..."

The blonde interrupts, yelling, "I don't care what color they are, just put four budgies in a box for me. Is that too hard?"

The salesman quickly grabs four birds from the budgie cages and shoves them into a pet carrier. The second blonde pulls out her credit card and pays for the birds, and then both blondes leave.

They drive out to a high cliff and the first blonde reaches in the box and pulls out two of the birds, grasps them firmly and jumps off the cliff while flapping her arms. She plummets like a rock and hits the bottom of the cliff with a loud splat.

The second blonde looks down at her friend's mangled remains and says, "Dang, this budgie jumping isn't all it's cracked up to be."

Escaped

Three men escape from prison. The first tells the others that the security will soon be looking for them.

So, he suggests that each one of them climb a tree, and when the guards come, to make animal sounds and hopefully they will move on.

All agree, and they all climb into different trees and try to hide.

A while later, security guards arrive and began searching. They thought they saw something in the first man's tree, so they shine their flashlight into the branches and say "Anyone up there?"

"Tweet, Tweet" comes from the tree.

The guards says "Oh, it's only a bird!, move on."

The guards then look into another tree and says "Anyone up there?"

The second man replies "Whhoo, Whhoo"

"Ah! It's only an owl!, lets go!"

The guards proceed to look at the next tree, and ask "I wonder if one of the prisoners is up there?" Shining the flashlight, they listened intently...

"Moooooooo!"

The Seagull

A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a seagull lay dead in the sand.

"Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked.

"He died and went to Heaven," the dad replied.

The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?"

Pessimist And A Dog

An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.

He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, the eternal pessimist who refused to be impressed with anything. This, surely, would impress him. He invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.

As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. They fired and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long. Each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it.

The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word.

On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?"

"I sure did," responded the pessimist. "He can't swim."

Nursing Sick Birds

A happily married man had only one complaint, his wife was always nursing sick birds.

One cold December evening, he came home to find a raven with a splint on its beak sitting in his favorite chair. On the dining room table there was a feverish eagle pecking at an aspirin while, in the kitchen, his wife was comforting a shivering little wren that she found in the snow.

The furious spouse strode over to where his wife was toweling down the cold little bird. "I can't take it any more! We've got to get rid of all of these darn..."

The wife held up her hand to cut him off in mid-curse. "Please, Dear," she said, "Not in front of the chilled wren."