Dry Land

A visitor to Texas once asked, "Does it ever rain out here?"

A rancher quickly answered, "Yes, it does."

"When?" asked the visitor.

"Do you remember that part in the Bible where it rained for 40 days and 40 nights?"

The visitor replied, "Yes, I'm familiar with Noah's flood."

"Well," the rancher puffed up, "we got about half an inch that time."

When it Rains It Pours

A newcomer to Portland arrives on a rainy day. She gets up the next day and it's raining. It also rains the day after that, and the day after that.

She goes out to lunch and sees a young kid and, out of despair, asks, "Hey, kid, does it ever stop raining around here?"

The kid says, "How should I know? I'm only six."

Old Man

There was this party in the woods and all of a sudden there was a downpour of thunder and rain, these two young guys ran for about 10 minutes in the pouring rain, finally reaching their car just as the rain let up.

They jumped in the car, started it up and headed down the road, laughing and, of course, still drinking one beer after the other. All of a sudden an old man's face appeared in the passenger window and tapped lightly on the window!

The passenger screamed out, "eeeeekkk! Look at my window! There's an old guy's face there!" (Was this a ghost?)

This old man kept knocking, so the driver said "well open the window a little and ask him what he wants!"

So the passenger rolled his window down part way and said, scared out of his wits, "What do you want?"

The old man softly replied, "You have any tobacco?"

The passenger, terrified, looked at the driver and said, "He wants tobacco!"

"Well offer him a cigarette! Hurry!" the driver replies.

So he fumbles around with the pack and hands the old man a cigarette and yells "Step on it!" rolling up the window in terror.

Now going about 80 miles an hour, they calm down and they start laughing again, and the passenger says, "What do you think of that?"

The driver says, "I don't know? How could that be? I am going pretty fast?"

Then all of a sudden again there is a knock on the window and there is the old man again.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaa, there he is again!", the passenger yells.

"Well see what he wants now!" yells back the driver.

He rolls down the window a little ways and shakily says "Yes?"

"Do you have a light?" the old man quietly asks.

The passenger throws a lighter out the window at him and rolls up the window and yells, "Step on it!"

They are now going about 100 miles an hour and still guzzling beer, trying to forget what they had just seen and heard, when all of a sudden again there is more knocking!

"Oh my God! He's back!" He rolls down the window and screams out, "What do you want now?" in stark terror.

The old man gently replies, "You want some help getting out of the mud?

Punishment

The minister's little six-year-old girl had been so naughty during the week, that her mother decided to give her the worst kind of punishment. She told her she couldn't go to the Sunday School Picnic on Saturday.

Then, when the day came, her mother felt she had been too harsh and changed her mind. When she told the little girl she could go to the picnic, the child's reaction was one of gloom and unhappiness.

"What's the matter? I thought you'd be glad to go to the picnic." her mother said.

"It's too late!" the little girl said. "I've already prayed for rain!"

Unlocking Your Car

Two blondes were recently observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. Here is their dialogue:

Blonde One: "I can't seem to get this door unlocked!"

Blonde Two: "Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder! It's starting to rain, and the top is down!"