Driving a Truck

A man goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doctor, you must help me. Every night I dream that I'm driving a truck from Pittsburgh to New York. I'm so tired I can hardly get up in the morning."

The doctor says, "Tell you what. Next time you have this dream, just call me and I'll come over and drive the truck for you."

The man tries it, and is cured.

Another patient tells the doctor, "I have this same dream every night. I'm making love to four beautiful women, and by morning I'm totally exhausted. Can you help me?"

The doctor says, "Tell you what, next time you have this dream, just call me and I'll come and take a couple of them off your hands."

Two weeks later the man goes back to the psychiatrist and says, "Doc, you gotta help me. Now these women are bringing their friends, and they're all getting so demanding. I'm so tired I can barely get through the day. Can't you do something?"

"You should have called me." the doctor replied. "I told you I'd take a couple of them off your hands."

"But Doc," he said, "I've been calling you every night, and your service keeps telling me you're out driving a truck from Pittsburgh to New York."

My Brother's Crazy

A man goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doc, my brother's crazy, he thinks he's a chicken."

The doctor says, "Why don't you turn him in?"

The guy says, "We would. But we need the eggs."

Away On Business

A guy tells his psychiatrist "It was terrible. I was away on business, and I emailed my wife that I'd be back a day early. I rushed home from the airport and found her in bed with my best friend. I don't get it. How could she do this to me?"

"Well," says the psychiatrist. "Maybe she didn't see the email."

No Problem

A wild-eyed man dressed in a Napoleonic costume and hiding his right hand inside his coat entered the psychiatrist's office and nervously exclaimed, "Doctor, I need your help right away."

"I can see that," retorted the doctor. "Lie down on that couch and tell me your problem."

"I don't have any problem," the man snapped. "In fact, as Emperor of France I have everything I could possibly want: money, women, power, everything! But I'm afraid my wife, Josephine, is in deep mental trouble."

"I see," said the psychiatrist, humoring his distraught patient. "And what seems to be her main problem?"

"For some strange reason," answered the unhappy man, "she thinks she's Mrs. Schwartz."

Dead Men Don't Bleed

Perhaps you've heard of the man who thought he was dead? In reality he was very much alive. His delusion became such a problem that his family finally paid for him to see a psychiatrist.

The psychiatrist spent many laborious sessions trying to convince the man he was still alive.

Nothing seemed to work.

Finally the doctor tried one last approach. He took out his medical books and proceeded to show the patient that dead men don't bleed. After hours of tedious study, the patient seemed convinced that dead men don't bleed.

"Do you now agree that dead men don't bleed?" the doctor asked.

"Yes, I do," the patient replied.

"Very well, then," the doctor said.

He took out a pin and pricked the patient's finger. Out came a trickle of blood.

The doctor asked, "What does that tell you?"

"Oh my goodness!" the patient exclaimed as he stared incredulously at his finger... "Dead men do bleed!"