Don't Mess with a Marine

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.

There were all the regular types of stuff: Spilled milk and pennies saved. But then the teacher realized, that only Janie was left.

"Janie, do you have a story to share?"

Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then she parachuted right into the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.

She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."

"Good Heavens," said the horrified teacher. "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"

"Don't mess with Mommy when she's been drinking."

Retirement

An elderly retired Marine moved into a retirement community where good looking eligible men are at a premium.

After he had been there for a week he went to confession and said, "Bless me Father, for I have sinned. Last week I was with seven different women."

The priest said, "Take seven lemons, squeeze them into a glass and drink the juice without pausing."

"Will that cleanse me of my sins, Father?"

"No," replied the priest."But it'll wipe that grin off your face.

Dear John Letter

While a Marine was deployed to Afghanistan he received a "dear john" letter from his girlfriend. In the letter she explained that she had been unfaithful with two other guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up and she wants any pictures of herself back.

So the Marine does what any squared-away Marine would do. He went around to his

buddies and collected all the unwanted photos of women he could find. He then mailed about 25 pictures to the girlfriend with the following note:

"I'm sorry, but I can't remember which one you are, but please take the one that belongs to you and send the rest back."