How to Beat the Meter Maids

1. Select your parking spot.

2. Park your car.

3. Get out of the car and lock it.

4. Head off to where you are going, and take your windshield wipers with you!

Speeding Ticket

A lady who was speeding had an officer pulled her to the side of the road. She didn't have her seat belt on so as soon as she stopped, she quickly slipped it on before the officer got to her window.

After talking to her about speeding, the officer said, "I see you are wearing your seat belt. Do you believe in wearing it at all times?"

"Yes, I do, officer," she replied.

"Well," asked the officer, "do you always do it up with it looped through your steering wheel?"

Parking Tickets

I went to the store the other day and was only there for about five minutes. When I came out, there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket.

So I went up to him and said, "Come on, how about giving a guy a break?"

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-necked Nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires.

So I said something to him that seriously questioned his intelligence.

He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.

Then he started writing a third ticket. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

This went on for about twenty minutes, but I didn't care.

My car was parked around the corner.

I try to have a little fun each day. It's important.

Parking Ticket

Recently in Traffic Court, a man who received an expensive parking ticket testified that a uniformed Policeman had given his OK for the man to park there.

The Judge asked the man if he would recognize the Officer if he ever saw him again, and the man replied that he would.

The Judge then said, "Good. When you see the Officer again, tell him he owes you 57 dollars. Next..."

Season Tickets

Sarah was reading a newspaper, while her husband was engrossed in a magazine. Suddenly, she burst out laughing. "Listen to this," she said. "There's a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium."

"Hmmm," her husband said, not looking up from his magazine.

Teasing him, Sarah said, "Would you swap me for a season ticket?"

"Absolutely not," he said.

"How sweet," Sarah said. "Tell me why not."

"Season's more than half over," he said.

Searching Urgently

One of the world's greatest scientists was also recognized as the original absent-minded professor...

One day, on board a train, he was unable to find his ticket. The conductor said, "Take it easy. You'll find it."

When the conductor returned, the professor still couldn't find the ticket.

The conductor, recognizing the famous scientist, said, "I'm sure you bought a ticket. Forget about it."

"You're very kind," the professor said, "but I must find it, otherwise I won't know where to get off."