Telling Lies

Little Johnny's teacher was having trouble with him disrupting the class by always telling lies and making up stories. So she went to the principal about this and he told her the next time this happened to send little Johnny to his office.

Sure enough here came little Johnny and the principal was ready to teach him a lesson.

He told Johnny to take a seat, he wanted to tell him a story. He said, "Johnny, the other day I decided to go duck hunting but I only had two shots. So, I fired my first shot and killed two ducks. They were falling out of the sky and fell into a tree, where they hit four squirrels and killed them. So, the two ducks and four squirrels came falling to the ground where they hit two rabbits and killed them. Just as I was going to gather up my animals, a bear came out and started to get them. "Then the weirdest thing happened. A little dog showed up out of nowhere and attacked the bear, so I was able to get all the animals I had killed.

Now, little Johnny, you believe that story don't you?" Little Johnny said,

"Sure I do. That was my dog and that's the third bear he's got this year!"

Rabbit In My Refrigerator

I opened my refrigerator door the other night and there was a rabbit sitting there!

I said, "Hey, you're a rabbit, what are you doing in there?"

He said, "This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?"

I said, "Yes??"

He said, "Well, I am westing!"

Top Ten Reasons To Celebrate Easter

1. You absolutely love the movie, "The Ten Commandments."
2. You look really, really good in yellow.
3. You just went on a low cholesterol diet and didn't want to waste all those eggs in the fridge.
4. You figure any Holiday that starts with a "Good Friday" can't be all bad.
5. You love to bite the heads off chocolate bunnies.
6. It's a good time to check out your neighborhood church and not be noticed.
7. You have this bunny suit you love to wear, but are too insecure to wear it without a reason.
8. Even though you don't know what it is, you really like the sound of going to a "Passion Play."
9. You figured since Jesus went to all that trouble to make it to the first Easter, you'd give it a shot.
10. As a Christian you celebrate the resurrection every other day, why not Easter too? 
 

Reasons I Still Believe In The Easter Bunny

1. Hey, I watch television. Every year, he's there clucking in the Cadbury egg commercials.
2. Who do you think delivers all the baskets and stuff, the little chicks? Doubtful.
3. When I was six, I saw a bunny at the scene of the crime. He put his finger aside his nose, and up the chimney he rose.
4. It was a little cafe somewhere in France, I was young, and yes, I believed everything he told me.
5. Someone is posing for those chocolate rabbit molds, and I think you're thinking what I'm thinking.
6. Who else has time to color all those eggs? Not me, Jack.
7. Yeah, and Peter Rabbit didn't think Mr. McGregor was going to catch him in the cabbage patch either -- get with the times.
8. I had a pet rabbit in the 4th grade, and he told me it was all true.
9. Once, I put a tooth under my pillow, and in the morning I had a marshmallow Easter egg.
10. Someone has to believe in the Easter bunny.

Signs The Easter Bunny Is Nuts

1. Neighbors describing him as "a quiet loner."
2. Removed from a department store last December after screaming at Santa, "You're going to die up there, fat man!"
3. Can't stop washing his paws.
4. Colorful eggs now filled with Prozac.
5. Apartment walls covered with photos of Sharon Stone.
6. Met with Dr. Kevorkian about the possibility of a "suicide egg."
7. Rotting corpse of Energizer bunny recently discovered in his crawl space.
8. Won't come out of his compound in Waco, Texas.
9. He's hippity-hopped up on crack.
10. Keeps rubbing himself for good luck. 
 

All I Need To Know About Life I Learned From The Easter Bunny

• Don't put all of your eggs in one basket.
• Walk softly and carry a big carrot.
• Everyone needs a friend who is all ears.
• There's no such thing as too much candy.
• All work and no play can make you a basket case.
• A cute little tail attracts a lot of attention.
• Everyone is entitled to a bad hare day.
• Let happy thoughts multiply like rabbits.
• Some body parts should be floppy.
• Keep your paws off other people's jellybeans.
• Good things come in small sugar coated packages.
• The grass is always greener in someone else's basket.
• An Easter bonnet can tame even the wildest hare.
• To show your true colors you have to come out of your shell.
• The best things in life are still sweet and gooey.

Counting Rabbits

The teacher asked Johnnie, "Johnnie if I gave you two rabbits and then two more rabbits and then two more rabbits, how many would you have?"

Johnnie replied, "Seven rabbits, Teacher."

The teacher asked again, "Listen Johnnie, If I gave you two rabbits, plus two more rabbits, plus two more rabbits... How many rabbits would you have altogether?"

Johnnie smiled, "That's easy, Teacher, I would have seven."

"Ok Johnnie," the teacher said. "Let's try it a different way. If I gave you two bottles of root beer, plus two more bottle of root beer, plus two more bottle of root beer. How many bottle of root beer would you have?"

"Six bottle." Johnnie said.

"OK," said the teacher. "Now think of that with this question. "If I gave you two rabbits, then two more rabbits, then two more rabbits how many would you have?"

"Seven, Teacher." Johnnie said.

"Why seven?" the teacher asked, exasperated.

Johnnie replied, "Because I already have one rabbit at home!"

A Lesson

Mr. Rabbit was walking down the road when he spotted a crow at the tip top of a very tall tree. He shouted, "Good Morning, Mr. Crow."

Mr. Crow shouted back down, "Good Morning Mr. Rabbit."

Mr. Rabbit shouted up, "Whatcha doin' today?" and the answer shouted back down was, "Absolutely nothin' Mr. Rabbit. Absolutely nothin' and loving it."

Well, that sounded pretty good to Mr. Rabbit, so he shouted back up, "Do you think I could do that too?"

Mr. Crow shouted back down, "I don't see why not!" So, Mr. Rabbit lay down on the side of the road and began Doing Absolutely Nothing.

In 30 minutes a fox came along and ate him.

The moral of the story is: You can get away with Doing Absolutely Nothing, but only if you are really high up.

Naughty Rabbit

A woman walks into a vet's waiting room. She's dragging a wet rabbit on a leash. The rabbit does NOT want to be there.

"Sit, Fluffy," she says.

Fluffy glares at her and sopping wet, jumps up on another customer's lap, getting water all over him.

"I said sit! Now there's a good Fluffy," says the woman, slightly embarrassed.

Fluffy, wet already, squats in the middle of the room and pees.

The woman, mortally embarrassed, shouts, "Darn it Fluffy, will you be good?!"

Fluffy then starts a fight with a Doberman and pursues it out of the office.

As the woman leaves to go after it, she turns to the rest of the flabbergasted customers and says, "Pardon me, I've just washed my hare and I can't do a thing with it!"