Good Night's Sleep

By the time the soldier pulled into the little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere", he pleaded with a proprietor. "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, but he is an Air Force guy" admitted the manager, and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you.

"No problem." the tired Army guy assured him, "I'll take it." The next morning the soldier came down to breakfasts bright-eyed and bushy tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager. "Never better", said the soldier. The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring all night long?" "No, I shut him up in no time", explained the soldier.

"How'd you manage that?" asked the proprietor.

"Well, he was already in bed, snoring away, when I walked into the room, so I gave him a kiss on the cheek" explained the soldier. “Then, I whispered in his ear 'Good night beautiful', and he sat up all night watching me."

Setting the Pace

The drill sergeant making his morning announcements to a group of newcomers in a training camp, stated: "Today, gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. First, the good news Private Peters will be setting the pace on our morning run.”

With this the platoon was overjoyed, as Private Peters was overweight and terribly slow. 

But then the drill sergeant finished his statement: "Now for the bad news. Private Peters will be driving a truck."

Special Forces Vs. Taliban

A large group of lingering Taliban soldiers is moving down a road when they hear a voice from behind a sand dune:

"One U.S. Special Forces soldier is better than 10 Taliban!"

The Taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune whereupon a gun battle erupts, then silence.

The voice then calls out, "One U.S. Special Forces soldier is better than 100 Taliban!"

Furious, the Taliban commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and, instantly, a huge gunfight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.

The American voice calls out once more, "One U.S. Special Forces soldier is better than 1,000 Taliban!"

The enraged Taliban Commander musters 1,000 fighters and sends them across the dune. Cannons, rockets and machine guns ring out as a huge battle rages. Then silence.

Eventually one wounded Taliban fighter crawls back over the dune and, with his dying words, tells his commander, "Don't send any more men! It's a trap. There are two of them!"

Selling War Insurance

Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center where he was to advise new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance.

It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before.

Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones's sales pitch. Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said:

"If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government has to pay only a maximum of $6000."

"Now," he concluded, "which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?"