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Showing posts with label halloween. Show all posts
Showing posts with label halloween. Show all posts

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Halloween Q And A List

Q. What do goblins and ghosts drink when they're hot and thirsty on Halloween?
A. Ghoul-aid!

Q. What is a Mummie's favorite type of music?
A. Wrap!

Q. Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
A. Because demons are a ghouls best friend!

Q. What's a monster's favorite bean?
A. A human bean.

Q. Why can't the boy ghost have babies?
A. Because he has a Hallo-weenie.

Q. What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
A. A sand-witch.

Q. Where does a ghost go on Saturday night?
A. Anywhere where he can boo-gie.

Q. What did the skeleton say to the vampire?
A. You suck.

Q. What do ghosts say when something is really neat?
A. Ghoul

Q. Why did the ghost go into the bar?
A. For the Boos.

Q. Why was the girl afraid of the vampire?
A. He was all bite and no bark.

Q. Why did the game warden arrest the ghost?
A. He didn't have a haunting license.

Q. Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party?
A. He had no body to dance with.

Q. Where does Count Dracula usually eat his lunch?
A. At the casketeria.

Q. What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?
A. He is mist.

Q. Where did the goblin throw the football?
A. Over the ghoul line.

Q. Why doesn't Dracula mind the doctor looking at his throat.
A. Because of the coffin.

Q. Why is a ghost such a messy eater?
A. Because he is always a goblin.

Q. What do you call a goblin who gets too close to a bonfire?
A. A toasty ghosty.

Q. Why did the Vampire read the Wall Street Journal?
A. He heard it had great circulation.

Q. What tops off a ghost's ice cream sundae?
A. Whipped scream.

Q. What do you give a skeleton for valentine's day?
A. Bone-bones in a heart shaped box.

Q. What are ghosts' favorite kind of streets?
A. Dead ends

Q. What is a vampires favorite holiday?
A. Fangsgiving

Q. What kind of makeup do ghosts wear?
A. Mas-scare-a.

Q. Why did the skeleton cross the road?
A. To go to the body shop.

Q. What happens when two vampires meet?
A. It was love at first bite!

Q. Who was the most famous ghost detective?
A. Sherlock Moans.

Q. What do you call two spiders that just got married?
A. Newlywebbed

Q. Who was the most famous witch detective?
A. Warlock Holmes

Q. What did the ghost say to the man at the coffee shop?
A. Scream or sugar!

Q. Who was the most famous skeleton detective?
A. Sherlock Bones.

Q. Who was the most famous French skeleton?
A. Napoleon bone-apart

Q. Which building does Dracula visit in New York?
A. The Vampire State Building.

Q. Where do most werewolves live?
A. In howllywood, California

Q. Where do most goblins live?
A. in North and South Scarolina.

Q. Where does a ghost refuel his porche?
A. At a ghastly station.

Q. What do Italian's eat on Halloween?
A. Fettucinni Afraid-o.

Q. Why did the skeleton go disco dancing?
A. to see the boogy man.

Q. What do witches use in their hair?
A. scare-spray

Q. What do you call a little monsters parents?
A. mummy and deady

Q. What do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon?
A. sour-puss

Q. How do you scare a mummy?
A. with a yummy dummy in a crash test crummy.

Q. What do you get when you cross a vampire with the internet?
A. blood-thirsty hacker baby

Q. What do you get when you cross a pumpkin with a skwaush?
A. a squashed pumpkin pie.

Q. Why do ghosts shiver and moan?
A. It's drafty under that sheet.

Q. What instrument do skeletons play?
A: Trom-bone.

Q. What do ghosts eat for breakfast?
A. Boo-Berries.

Q: Why did't the skeleton cross the road?
A: He had no guts.

Q. Why do vampires scare people?
A. They are bored to death!

Q. How can you tell a vampire likes baseball?
A. Every night he turns into a bat.

Q. What's it like to be kissed by a vampire?
A. It's a pain in the neck.

Q. How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery?
A. All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.

Q. What songs does Dracula hate?
A. "You Are My Sunshine" and "Sunshine on my Shoulders."

Q. What did the Mummy movie director say when the final scene was done?
A. Ok, that's a wrap.

Q. How does a girl vampire flirt?
A. She bats her eyes.

Q. What is a vampires least favorite food?
A. Steak

Q. What's it called when a vampire has trouble with his house?
A. A grave problem.

Q. Why doesn't anybody like Dracula?
A. He has a bat temper.

Q. Why did Dracula go to the dentist?
A. He had a fang-ache.

Q. Why are vampires like false teeth?
A. They all come out at night.

Q. Who does Dracula get letters from?
A. His fang club.

Q. What kind of key does a skeleton use?
A. A skeleton key.

Q. What kind of gum do ghosts chew?
A. Boo Boo Gum.

Q. Why did Dracula take cold medicine?
A. To stop his coffin.

Q. Why does Dracula wear patent leather shoes?
A. Sandals don't look good with his tuxedo.

Q. How do you keep a monster from biting his nails?
A. Give him screws.

Q. What can't you give the headless horseman?
A. A headache.

Q. Why did the headless horseman go into business?
A. He wanted to get ahead in life.

Q. What is a ghosts favorite sale?
A. A white sale.

Q. What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a formal party?
A. A boo-tie.

Q. What's a ghosts favorite desert?
A. Boo-berry pie.

Q. What type of dog does every vampire have?
A. Bloodhound!

Q. What's a monsters favorite desert?
A. I-Scream!!

Q. When does a ghost have breakfast?
A. In the moaning.

Q. What do ghosts drink at breakfast?
A. Coffee with scream and sugar.

Q. Where does a ghost go on vacation?
A. Mali-boo.

Q. Where does a ghost go on Saturday night?
A. Anywhere where he can boo-gie.

Q. Where did the ghost get it's hair done?
A: At the boo-ty shop.

Q. What do they teach in witching school?
A. Spelling.

Q. Why does a witch ride a broom?
A. Vacuum cleaners get stuck at the end of the cord.

Q. What do you call a witch's garage?
A. A broom closet.

Q. What do you call two witches living together?
A. Broommates.

Q. Why don't mummies take vacations?
A. They're afraid they'll relax and unwind.

Q. What is a witch's favorite subject in school?
A. Spelling

Q. Why did the man with a knife in his head cross the street?
A. He was dying to get to the other side!!

Q. Where do ghosts go out?
A. Where they can get boooooo-ze.

Q. Where do ghosts go out?
A. Where they can get sheet-faced.

Q. What did the mother ghost say to her kids in the car?
A. Fasten your sheet belts.

Q. Why didn't the skeleton go to see a scary movie?
A. He didn't have the guts.

Q. What did the corpse' mom do when her son was bad?
A. Ground him.

Q. Why was the mummy so tense?
A. Because he was all wound up.

Q. Why did the vampire need mouthwash?
A. Because he had bat breath.

Q. Why don't ghost have bands?
A. They get booooooooooed.

Q. What do you call a monster who poisons corn flakes?
A. A cereal killer.

Q. Who are some of the werewolves cousins?
A. The whatwolves, the whowolves and the when wolves.

Q. What did the bird say on Halloween?
A. Trick or tweet!

Q. Why do skeletons drink milk?
A. To help their bones!

Q. What's a Vampire's least favourate song?
A. Another one bites the dust!

Q. What is a Skeleton's favorite song.
A. Bad to the Bone

Q. Whats a ghost's favorate type of car?
A. A boo-ick

Q. Where do ghost go for fun?
A. To the boo-vies

Q. What's a skeletons favorite part of the house?
A. the living room

Q. What did the teenage witch ask her mother on Haloween?
A. Can I have the keys to the broom tonight.

Q. What do u get when theres a witch in the desert?
A. You get a sandwich.

W. Why do ghosts like to ride elevators?
A. It raises their spirits.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Why Pumpkins Are Better Than Women

  1. Pumpkins are easy to pick up.
  2. You can fondle a Pumpkin in a supermarket, and you know how firm it is before you take it home.
  3. A pumpkin won't ask: "Am I the first?"
  4. Pumpkins don't leave you wondering for a month.
  5. Pumpkins never answer your phone or borrow your car.
  6. A pumpkin won't go through your medicine chest.
  7. A pumpkin doesn't use your toothbrush.
  8. You can have as many pumpkins as you can handle.
  9. A pumpkin never wants to improve your mind.
  10. Pumpkins aren't into meaningful conversations.
  11. A Pumpkin will never make a scene because there are other pumpkins in the refrigerator.
  12. No matter how old you are, you can always get a fresh pumpkin.
  13. You always know where a pumpkin has been.
  14. Pumpkins never want to take you home to mom.
  15. A pumpkin won't tell you she's outgrown you intellectually.
  16. Pumpkins never expect you to have little pumpkins.
  17. It's easy to drop a pumpkin.

Why Pumpkins Are Better Than Men

  1. Every year you get a brand new crop to choose from.
  2. No matter what your mood is, pumpkins are always ready to greet you with a smile.
  3. One usually makes a better pie.
  4. They are always on the doorstep there waiting for you.
  5. If you don't like the way he looks, you just carve up another face.
  6. If he starts smelling up your place, you can just throw him out.
  7. From the start you know a pumpkin has an empty, mush filled head to begin with.
  8. A pumpkin is turned on (lit-up) only when you want him to be.

Fixing The Headstone

Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.

Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.

"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death. We thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?"

"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"

Costume Party

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party. In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.

She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived.

She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang.

Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had. He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."

Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"

He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But I'll tell you... The guy I loaned my costume to sure had a real good time!"