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Showing posts with label vacation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label vacation. Show all posts

Thursday, August 12, 2021

An Act of Kindness

A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an older lady and an older gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world. The agent had had a good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity.

He called them into his shop and said, "I know that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take no for an answer."

He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five star hotel. They, as can be expected, gladly accepted, and were on their way.

About a month later the little lady came in to his shop.

"And how did you like your holiday?" he asked eagerly.

"The flight was exciting and the room was lovely," she said. "I've come to thank you. But, one thing puzzled me. Who was that old guy I had to share the room with?"

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Where To Go On Vacation

Artists: Painted Desert, Arizona
Athletes: Olympia Heights, Florida
Candy Makers: Carmel, Indiana
College Professors: University City, Missouri
Ecologists: Green Bay Wisconsin
Firefighters: Smokey Mountains
Fortune tellers: Palm Springs, California
Geologists: Stone Mountain, Georgia
Gossip Columnists: Grapevine, Texas
Helicopter Pilots: Hoover, Alabama
Home Builders: New Castle, Pennsylvania
Jewelers: Pearl City, Hawaii
Landscapers: Garden City, Michigan
Lawyers: Accident, Maryland
Loan Officers: Fairbanks, Alaska
Lumber Jacks: Thousand Oaks, California
Manicurists: Finger Lakes, New York
Optometrists: Plainview, New York
Pastors: Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Pianists: Florida Keys
Podiatrists: Arches National Park, Utah
Politicians: Dodge City, Kansas
Prostitutes: Pleasure Ridge, Kentucky
Real Estate Salesmen: Loveland, Colorado
Refrigerator Repairmen: Chilum, Maryland
Retired Army Officers: East Point, Georgia
Sailors: Marina, California
Sheriffs: Marshalltown, Iowa
Tree Trimmers: Long Branch, New Jersey
TV Evangelists: Paradise, California

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Playing Slot Machines

I was on vacation, playing the slot machines. It was my first time in a casino, and I wasn't sure how the machines operated.

"Excuse me." I said to a casino employee. "How does this work?"

The worker showed me how to insert a bill, hit the spin button, and operate the release handle. "And where does the money come out?" I asked.

He smiled and motioned to a far wall before saying, "Usually at the ATM."


Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Vacation In Hell

Two English ladies were discussing their vacation plans on a London street corner near an Irish lady.

"We're planning a lovely holiday in Devon this year," said one.

"Oh you oughtn't to do that," said the other, "there are Irish there! It would be awful."

"Dear me!" said the first lady. "well where are you going?"

"Salisbury," she replied. "But Salisbury is simply crawling with Irish as well!" the first lady objected.

At this point the Irish lady could no longer hold her tongue.

"Why don't ye go t' hell," she suggested.

"There be no Irish there!"

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Vacation Term Translations

In case any of you are still thinking about picking a vacation spot, be aware of the following advertising lingo:

Old world charm - No bath
Tropical - Rainy
Majestic setting - A long way from town
Options galore - Nothing is included in the itinerary
Secluded hideaway - Impossible to find or get to
Pre-registered rooms - Already occupied
Explore on your own - Pay for it yourself
Knowledgeable trip hosts - They've flown in an airplane before
No extra fees - No extras
Nominal fee - Outrageous charge
Standard - Sub-standard
Deluxe - Standard
Superior - One free shower cap
All the amenities - Two free shower caps
Plush - Top and bottom sheets
Gentle breezes - Occasional Gale-force winds
Light and airy - No air conditioning
Picturesque - Theme park nearby
Open bar - Free ice cubes

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Generous Offer

A newspaper writer, after working for 17 long years, was finally granted two months leave, during which time he would be fully paid. However, he turned down his boss' kind offer.

The boss asked, "Why would you turn down such a generous offer?"

The newspaper writer said there were 2 reasons.

"Well, what are they?" asked the boss.

"The first," he said, "is that I thought that my taking such a long leave might affect the newspaper's circulation."

The boss asked him what the other reason was.

"The other reason," replied the writer, "is that I thought my taking such a long leave might not affect the newspaper's circulation."