We Deliver

The owner of a small deli was being questioned by an IRS agent about his tax return. He had reported a net profit of $80,000 for the year.

"Why don't you people leave me alone?" the deli owner said. "I work like a dog, everyone in my family helps out, the place is only closed three days a year. And you want to know how I made $80,000?"

"It's not your income that bothers us," the agent said. "It's these deductions. You listed six trips to Hawaii for you and your wife."

"Oh, that," the owner said smiling. "I forgot to tell you - we also deliver."

Tax Deductible

Rabbi Rabinovitz answers his phone.

"Hello?"

"Hello, is this Rabbi Rabinovitz?"

"It is."

"This is the IRS. Can you help us?"

"I'll try."

"Do you know Sam Cohen?"

"I do."

"Is he a member of your congregation?"

"He is."

"Did he donate $25,000 to the synagogue rebuilding fund last year?"

"He will!"

Talk About Taxes

• This year in the US, there were 7 different ways to file your income taxes. Unfortunately, all of them were wrong.
• Seems to me the only possible fair tax structure is one that allows everyone to cheat evenly.
• With the quality of education declining in the US, and even colleges turning out semi-literate idiots, I understand the IRS is considering a new simplified tax form where all you have to do is color it in.
• The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them.
• The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.
• There is nothing more permanent than a temporary tax.
• When I look at my pay stub (with all those tax deductions) and then look at my pay check, I wish they would let me cash my pay stub.

New 2009 Tax Form

The IRS as been instructed by the current administration to cut waste and make their tax forms easier to comprehend for the average taxpayer. The IRS has done an admirable job and their new, easy to understand forms will go a long way towards paying for the 100s of billions of dollars in bailouts and new programs that are being proposed.

IRS Form 1040-100

Income:

Line 1. Wages, salaries and tips ______.

Line 2. Bailout funds, cash for clunkers, unemployment benefits etc ______.

Line 3. Add lines 1 and 2. This is your adjusted gross income ______.

Payments and Tax:

Line 4. Federal income tax withheld ______.

Line 5. Subtract line 4 from line 3. This is the tax you owe ______.

Mail payments to the IRS immediately. Interest accrues from the date you first see this 2009 Form 1040-100.