Moral Of The Story

The teacher gave her fifth-grade class an assignment: get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

Ashley said, "My father's a farmer, and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess."

"What's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.

"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"

"Very good," said the teacher.

Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, 'Don't count your chickens before they're hatched.'"

"That was a fine story, Sarah. Michael, do you have a story to share?"

"Yes, my daddy told me this story about my Aunt Karen. Aunt Karen was a flight engineer in the Gulf War and her plane was hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun, and a machete. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of a hundred enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke. Then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"

"Stay away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking!"

Prisoner Of War

During World War II, a British pilot was shot down while on a bombing mission over Germany. He sustained terrible injuries when he crash landed, but he was pulled unconscious from his plane and taken to a German military hospital to recover. When he regained consciousness a few days later, a kindly German doctor was at his bedside. "Major Howe," said the doctor, "The injuries that you received when your plane crashed are most severe. Both of your legs and both of your arms have extensive damage. In fact, your right leg has been crushed so badly, we have to amputate it immediately. I realize how terrible this must make you feel. I am a doctor first, and a German second. If I can do anything to comfort you, please don't hesitate to ask."

"Well Doctor," replied Major Howe, "There is something that you can do for me. Can you give my amputated leg to the Luftwaffe and ask them to drop it over England during their next bombing mission. I sure would feel better if my leg wound up in good old England."

"I see no problem with that," said the doctor. "Consider it done." So after the operation, the doctor gave the amputated leg to a German officer with instructions to drop it over England.

Unfortunately, two days later the doctor had to give Major Howe some more bad news. "Major Howe," said the doctor. "I'm afraid that gangrene has set in on your left leg, and it too must be amputated. Any requests?"

"Yes," he replied. "Could you drop that leg over England also?" "Ya," said the doctor, and after the operation, he gave the Brit's leg to the same German officer and asked him to dispose of it as before. One week later, the doctor had still more bad news for the Major. "Major Howe," said the doctor, "We have done everything in our power to save your two arms, but I'm afraid that gangrene has set in on both of them and we must amputate immediately. Can I assume that..."

"Yes," interrupted the Major, "If you would be so kind, old boy, please see that both of my arms are dropped over good old England."

The doctor promised to take care of his request and he again asked the same German officer to drop the amputated limbs over England. This time, however, the officer became perturbed and insisted on speaking with the British pilot.

"So," said the German officer, "You are the pilot who wanted his right leg dropped over England?"

"Yes," replied Major Howe. "That is jolly well correct."

"Hmmmm. And then you wanted your left leg dropped over England?"

"Yes," replied the Major. "That is correct as well."

"And now you say you want both of your arms dropped over England?"

"Correct again," replied the Major.

"Hmmmm, very interesting," mused the suspicious German officer. "Tell me something Major, you're not trying to escape, are you?"