Fishing License

A man was stopped by a game-warden in Northern Michigan recently with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing.

The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"

The man replied to the game warden, "No, sir. These are my pet fish."

"Pet fish?!"  the warden asked.

    

"Yes, sir.  Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take em home."

   

"That's a bunch of hooey!  Fish can't do that!"

    

The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, "Here, I'll show you.  It really works."

   

"O.K.  I've GOT to see this!"  The game warden said.

    

The man poured the fish in to the lake and stood and waited.

   

After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said, "Well?"    

"Well, What?" the man responded.

    

"When are you going to call them back?" The game warden prompted.

   

"Call who back?" The man asked.

 

"The fish." replied the warden.

    

"What fish?"  The man asked.

Mexican Fisherman

A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.

"Not very long," answered the Mexican.

"But then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked the American.

The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.

The American asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

"I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a siesta with my wife. In the evenings, I go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs. I have a full life."

The American interrupted, "I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat."

"And after that?" asked the Mexican.

"With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City , Los Angeles , or even New York City! From there you can direct your huge new enterprise."

"How long would that take?" asked the Mexican.

"Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years," replied the American.

"And after that?"

"Afterwards? Well my friend, that's when it gets really interesting," answered the American, laughing. "When your business gets really big, you can start buying and selling stocks and make millions!"

"Millions? Really? And after that?" asked the Mexican.

"After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends."

And the moral of this story is: Know where you're going in life. You may already be there.

Fishing Trip

A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife liked to read.

One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap. Although she wasn't familiar with the lake, the wife decided to take the boat. She rowed out a short distance, anchored, and returned to reading her book.

Along came the sheriff in his boat. He pulled up alongside her and said, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading my book," she replied, as she thought to herself, "isn't it obvious?"

"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informed her.

"Officer, I'm not fishing. Can't you see that?"

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with rape," snapped the irate woman.

"But, I haven't even touched you," groused the sheriff.

"Yes, that's true," she replied, "but you do have all the equipment."

Moral: Never argue with a woman who knows how to read.

Give A Man A Fish

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day...

Teach a man to fish and you've fed him for a lifetime...

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day...

Teach that man to use the Internet and he won't bother you for weeks.

Give a man a fish and he you feed him for a day...

Teach that man how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Give a man a fish, he owes you one fish...

Teach a man to fish, you give up your monopoly on fisheries.

Teach a man to fish and you can sell him a ton of accessories.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day...

Teach a man to fish and you've fed him for a lifetime...

Unless, of course, he doesn't like sushi...

Then you need to teach him to cook as well.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day...

Teach a man to fish and he'll be dead of mercury poisoning within three years.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day...

Teach a man to fish and he'll get drunk then fall out of his boat and drown.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day...

Teach a man to fish and you've fed him for a lifetime...

Give a man some fire and he'll be warm for a day...

Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day...

Teach a man to fish and he'll over fish, cause famine in the next three regions and pollute the atmosphere with his fish.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day...

Teach a man religion and he will starve to death praying for a fish.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day...

Teach a man to fish and you can get rid of him for the whole weekend.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day...

Teach a man to fish and you've fed him for a lifetime...

Enlighten him further and he owns a chain of seafood restaurants.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day...

Teach a man to fish and you will not have to listen to his whining about how hungry he is.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day...

Teach a man to fish and you can sell him fishing equipment.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day...

Teach a man to fish and you've fed him for a lifetime...

Teach a man to sell fish and he eats steak.

Give a man a fish and you'll be sleeping on the couch again.

Give a man a fish and he'll wonder what you want from him.

Post Resurrection Visit

It cannot be found in the scriptures, but one story has it that upon his resurrection, the Lord appeared to a certain fisherman.

"I am Jesus. My death has saved all who do or will believe, and I am returned to show the Father's love and power.

"No, you're not Jesus, so bug off, you're scaring all the fish," answered the old fisherman.

"I see thou are full of doubt. What would thee have me do to show who I am?"

"Walk across the river," he tells Jesus.

So Jesus starts walking across the river. Next thing, he sinks and disappears under the water. After he swims back to shore, the old man says to him, "There you are, see, you're not Jesus, you can't walk across water"

Jesus responds, "Well, I used to be able to do it until I got these darned holes in my feet!" 


Fishy Story

A man was stopped by a game warden in Northern Minnesota recently with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"

The man replied to the game warden, "No, sir. These are my pet fish."

"Pet fish?!" the warden replied.

"Yes, sir. Every night I take these fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take em home."

"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!"

The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, "Here, I'll show you. It really works."

"Okay. I've got to see this!" the game warden replied.

The man poured the fish in to the water and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said, "Well?"

"Well, what?" the man asked.

"When are you going to call them back?" the game warden prompted.

"Call who back?" the man asked.

"The fish."

"What fish?" the man asked.

The Singing Fish

Jimmy: "Hey, Mike! How's your new pet fish doing? You told me he was really something special."

Mike: "To tell the truth, I'm really disappointed in him. The guy who sold him to me said I could teach him to sing like a bird."

Jimmy: "What? Let me get this straight. You bought a fish because you thought you could teach him to sing like a bird?"

Mike: "Well, yeah. After all, you know, he's a parrot fish."

Jimmy: "Now listen, Mike, while you might be able to teach a parrot to sing, but you're never going to get anywhere with a parrot fish."

Mike: "That's what you think! It just so happens this fish can sing. The thing is, he's terribly off-key and it's driving me crazy. Do you know how hard it is to tuna fish?"

Fishermen Killed

Many years ago, a fisherman's wife blessed her husband with twin sons. They loved the children very much, but couldn't think of what to name their children. Finally, after several days, the fisherman said, "Let's not decide on names right now. If we wait a little while, the names will simply occur to us."

After several weeks had passed, the fisherman and his wife noticed a peculiar fact. When left alone, one of the boys would also turn towards the sea, while the other boy would face inland. It didn't matter which way the parents positioned the children, the same child always faced the same direction. "Let's call the boys Towards and Away," suggested the fisherman. His wife agreed, and from that point on, the boys were simply known as Towards and Away.

The years passed and the lads grew tall and strong. The day came when the aging fisherman said to his sons, "Boys, it is time that learned how to make a living from the sea." They provisioned their ship, said their goodbyes, and set sail for a three month voyage.

The three months passed quickly for the fisherman's wife, yet the ship had not returned. Another three months passed, and still no ship. Three whole years passed before the grieving woman saw a lone man walking towards her house. She recognized him as her husband. "My goodness! What has happened to my darling boys?" she cried.

The ragged fisherman began to tell his story: "We were just barely one whole day out to see when Towards hooked into a great fish. Towards fought long and hard, but the fish was more than his equal. For a whole week they wrestled upon the waves without either of them letting up. Yet eventually the great fish started to win the battle, and Towards was pulled over the side of our ship. He was swallowed whole, and we never saw either of them again."

"Oh dear, that must have been terrible! What a huge fish that must of been!"

"Yes, it was, but you should have seen the one that got Away..."

The Game Warden

A man was stopped by a game warden in Northern Michigan recently with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"

The man replied to the game warden, "No, sir. These are my pet fish."

"Pet fish?" the warden replied.

"Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take em home."

"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!"

The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, "Here, I'll show you. It really works."

"OK, I've got to see this!" The game warden was curious now.

The man poured the fish in to the lake and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said: "Well?"

"Well? Well what?" the man responded.

"When are you going to call them back?" the game warden prompted.

"Call who back?" the man asked.

"The fish!"

"What fish?" the man asked.

A Proper Goldfish Burial

Little Timmy was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence.

Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Timmy?"

"My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."

The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your stupid cat."

Beautiful Bride

A guy is 86 years old and loves to fish.

He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, "Pick me up."

He looked around and couldn't see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, "Pick me up."

He looked in the water and there, floating on the top was a frog.

The man said, "Are you talking to me?"

The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up. Then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because you will have me as your bride."

The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.

Then the frog said, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride."

He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, "Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."