Give A Man A Fish

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day...

Teach a man to fish and you've fed him for a lifetime...

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day...

Teach that man to use the Internet and he won't bother you for weeks.

Give a man a fish and he you feed him for a day...

Teach that man how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Give a man a fish, he owes you one fish...

Teach a man to fish, you give up your monopoly on fisheries.

Teach a man to fish and you can sell him a ton of accessories.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day...

Teach a man to fish and you've fed him for a lifetime...

Unless, of course, he doesn't like sushi...

Then you need to teach him to cook as well.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day...

Teach a man to fish and he'll be dead of mercury poisoning within three years.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day...

Teach a man to fish and he'll get drunk then fall out of his boat and drown.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day...

Teach a man to fish and you've fed him for a lifetime...

Give a man some fire and he'll be warm for a day...

Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day...

Teach a man to fish and he'll over fish, cause famine in the next three regions and pollute the atmosphere with his fish.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day...

Teach a man religion and he will starve to death praying for a fish.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day...

Teach a man to fish and you can get rid of him for the whole weekend.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day...

Teach a man to fish and you've fed him for a lifetime...

Enlighten him further and he owns a chain of seafood restaurants.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day...

Teach a man to fish and you will not have to listen to his whining about how hungry he is.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day...

Teach a man to fish and you can sell him fishing equipment.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day...

Teach a man to fish and you've fed him for a lifetime...

Teach a man to sell fish and he eats steak.

Give a man a fish and you'll be sleeping on the couch again.

Give a man a fish and he'll wonder what you want from him.

Isn't This The Truth!

A college student at a recent USC football game challenged a senior citizen sitting next to him, saying it was impossible for their generation to understand his. "You grew up in a different world," the student said... loud enough for the whole crowd to hear.

"Today we have television, jet planes, space travel, man has walked on the Moon, our spaceships have visited Mars, we even have nuclear energy, electric cars, portable computers, cell phones, the Internet... and uh..."

Taking advantage of a pause in the student's litany, the geezer said, "You're right. We didn't have those things when we were young; so we invented them you little twit! What the hell are you doing for the next generation?"

'Twas The Internet Night Before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Net,
There were hacker's a surfing. Nerds? Yeah, you bet.
The e-mails were stacked by the modem with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.

The newbies were nestled all snug by their screens,
While visions of Java danced in their dreams.
My wife on the sofa and me with a snack,
We just settled down at my rig (it's a Mac).

When out in the Web there arose such a clatter,
I jumped to the site to see what was the matter.
To a new page my Mac flew like a flash,
Then made a slight gurgle. It started to crash!!

I gasped at the thought and started to grouse,
Then turned my head sideways and clicked on my mouse.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
My Mac jumped to a page that wasn't quite clear.

When the image resolved, so bright and so quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick!
More rapid than mainframes, more graphics they came,
Then Nick glanced toward my screen, my Mac called them by name;

"Now Compaq! Now Acer!", my speaker did reel;
"On Apple! On Gateway!" Santa started to squeal!
"Jump onto the circuits! And into the chip!
Now speed it up! Speed it up! Make this thing hip!"

The screen gave a flicker, he was into my "Ram",
Then into my room rose a full hologram!
He was dressed in all red, from his head to his shoes,
Which were black (the white socks he really should lose).

He pulled out some discs he had stored in his backpack.
Santa looked like a dude who was rarin' to hack!
His eyes, how they twinkled! His glasses, how techno!
This ain't the same Santa that I used to know!

With a wink of his eye and a nod of his head,
Santa soon let me know I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word, gave my Mac a quick poke,
And accessed my C drive with only a stroke.

He defragged my hard drive, and added a "Dimm",
Then threw in some cool games, just on a whim!
He worked without noise, his fingers they flew!
He distorted some pictures with Kai's Power Goo!

He updated Office, Excel and Quicken,
Then added a screensaver with a red clucking chicken!
My eyes widened a bit, my mouth stood agape,
As he added the latest version of Netscape.

The drive gave a whirl, as if it were pleased,
St. Nick coyly smiled, the computer appeased.
Then placing his finger on the bridge of his nose,
Santa turned into nothing but ones and zeros!

He flew back into my screen and through my uplink,
Back into the net with barely a blink.
But I heard his sweet voice as he flew from my sight,
"Happy surfing to all, and to all a good byte!"