Drink of Water

 A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later....

"Da-ad...."

"What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"

"No. You had your chance. Lights out."

Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."

"WHAT?"

"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"

"I told you NO!" If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"

Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."

"WHAT!"

"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"

Geraniums

"I'm sorry," said the clerk in flower shop, "we don't have potted geraniums. Could you use African violets instead?"

Replied the customer sadly, "No, it was geraniums my wife told me to water while she was gone.

Water Pistols

When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink.

I was not so pleased. I turned to mom and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?"

Mom smiled and then replied, "Oh Yes! I remember."

Arm Wrestling

Johnny was an arm wrestling champion. For years he had set up his table out by the channel, right beside the water gate. Not once had Johnny ever lost an arm-wrestling match. And every time he won he took twenty dollars from the loser. One would think that the other guys in the town would stop coming, but they came back, time and time again.

One day the other guys decided they were going to get back at Johnny. He had been winning money from them for as long as they could remember.

So they sent word out to Frankie from the next town over. Frankie was said to be stronger than any man alive. Surely he could beat Johnny.

Finally, the big day came. Johnny set up his table and Frankie sat down across from him.

Frankie grinned at Johnny, "Why don't we raise the stakes a little bit this time?"

Johnny shrugged. "Two hundred dollars?"

"How about two thousand dollars?" Frankie's grin was looking a little more sinister.

Johnny yawned. "Fine with me." Then they got down to business.

As the referee yelled "go" the competition began in earnest. The sun sparkled off the slow flowing water as sweat started to drip down the contestants' faces.

Slowly, Frankie was taking the lead. Johnny's hand came down and down and down. In one final effort, Frankie forced Johnny's hand all the way down onto the table, winning the match.

The crowd went wild. Frankie jumped up and started dancing around.

As Frankie danced around near the edge of the channel, Johnny got up from the table. He ran over and knocked Frankie into the water and quickly turned the valve of the water gate. The water poured out and swept Frankie away.

Johnny turned to the stunned onlookers and said, "It's okay, guys. You win some, you sluice some."

Washing The Dog

A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner "Mom & Pop" grocery store picking out a pretty good size box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.

"Oh, no laundry," the boy said. "I'm going to wash my dog."

"But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him."

But the boy was not to be stopped. He carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog.

About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing. "Oh, he died," the boy said.

The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the dog died but added, "I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog."

"Well," the boy replied, "I don't think it was the detergent that killed him."

"Oh? What was it then?"

"I think it was the spin cycle."

Three Little Pigs

Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter comes and takes their drink order.

"I would like a Sprite," said the first little piggy.

"I would like a Coke," said the second little piggy.

"I want water, lots and lots of water," said the third little piggy.

The drinks are brought out and the waiter takes their orders for dinner.

"I want a nice big steak," said the first piggy.

"I would like the salad plate," said the second piggy.

"I want water, lots and lots of water," said the third little piggy.

The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.

"I want a banana split," said the first piggy.

"I want a root beer float," said the second piggy.

"I want water, lots and lots of water," exclaimed the third little piggy.

"Pardon me for asking," said the waiter to the third little piggy, "but why have you only ordered water all evening?"

The third piggy says...

"Well, somebody has to go wee, wee, wee, all the way home!"

Grandma's Revenge

When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink. I was not so pleased. I turned to Mom and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?"

Mom smiled and then replied... "I remember."

Pessimist And A Dog

An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.

He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, the eternal pessimist who refused to be impressed with anything. This, surely, would impress him. He invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.

As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. They fired and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long. Each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it.

The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word.

On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?"

"I sure did," responded the pessimist. "He can't swim."

The Game Warden

A man was stopped by a game warden in Northern Michigan recently with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"

The man replied to the game warden, "No, sir. These are my pet fish."

"Pet fish?" the warden replied.

"Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take em home."

"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!"

The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, "Here, I'll show you. It really works."

"OK, I've got to see this!" The game warden was curious now.

The man poured the fish in to the lake and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said: "Well?"

"Well? Well what?" the man responded.

"When are you going to call them back?" the game warden prompted.

"Call who back?" the man asked.

"The fish!"

"What fish?" the man asked.

The Large Puddle

A motorist in a new Mercedes was driving through the countryside on a beautiful Saturday afternoon, having a lovely time, when he came to an area of the road that was covered with a rather large puddle of water from a previous rain storm. Worried that he was going to damage the car and its engine in the deep water, he asked a local farmer (who just happened to be standing near the large pool of water) how deep the water was.

"Arr", said the local farmer "That water only be a few inches deep!"

Relieved, the motorist edged his car into the water, expecting to come out the other side in no time. Instead, as he drove in, the water came right up the side of the car, and the engine sputtered to a halt. Sitting there with the water starting to seep into the car, the motorist yelled at the local angrily "I thought you said this water was only a few inches deep!"

"Well," replied the local farmer "it only come up to the waist of them there ducks!"

In Need Of Water

A sheik was walking through the Sahara desert, desperate for water, when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked towards the image, only to find a little man sitting at a table with a bunch of neckties laid out. The sheik asked, “Please, I’m dying of thirst, can I have some water?”

The man replied, “I don’t have any water, but why don’t you buy a tie? Here’s one that goes nicely with your robe”.

The sheik shouted, “I don’t want a tie, you idiot, I need water!” “OK, don’t buy a tie, but to show you what a nice guy I am, I’ll tell you that over that hill there, about 2 miles, is a nice restaurant. Walk that way. They’ll give you all the water you want.”

The sheik thanked him and walked away towards the hill and eventually disappeared. Three hours later the sheik came crawling back to where the man was sitting behind his table.

The little man said, “I told you, about 2 miles over that hill. Couldn’t you find it?”

The sheik rasped, “I found it all right. Your brother wouldn’t let me in without a tie.”