New Hearing Aid

Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.

He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. 

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased you can hear again."

To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will five times!" 

Family Stress Test

How to score:

0 if the statement is never true.

1 if it is rarely true.

2 if it is sometimes true.

3 if it is always true.

1. ___ Conversations often begin with "Put the gun down, and then we can talk."
2. ___ The school principal has your number on speed-dial.
3. ___ The cat is on Valium.
4. ___ People have trouble understanding your kids, because they learned to speak through clenched teeth.
5. ___ You are trying to get your four-year-old to switch to decaf.
6. ___ The number of jobs held down by family members exceeds the number of people in the family.
7. ___ No one has time to wait for microwave TV dinners.
8. ___ "Family meetings" are often mediated by law enforcement officials.
9. ___ You have to check your kid's day-timer to see if he can take out the trash.
10. ___ No-Doze gives you bulk rates.

How you rate:

30 - a perfect score. Welcome to the neighborhood!

20-29 - You are doing reasonably well, but still have too little going on in your life. Crank it up.

10-19 - You have mastered some of the aspects of the stress-filled life, but still have a long way to go. Have you considered a parallel career path?

0- 9 - Enjoying all that extra time? What do you do anyway?