Parrot

Erica is walking out of a movie theatre at the same time as a man with a parrot on his shoulder.

Erica turns to the man and says, "Your parrot actually seemed to understand the movie."

It looked around during the boring parts, it paid close attention to the dramatic parts, it even "squawked" during the funny parts. I don't understand how that can be.

The man turns to Erica and says "I don't understand it either.... he didn't like the book at all."

Thanksgiving Themed Movies

To Kill A Walking Bird

My Best Friend's Dressing

The Texas Coleslaw Massacre

Casserolablanca

The Fabulous Baster Boys

12 Hungry Men

Silence of the Yams

For Love of The Game Hen

I Know What You Ate Last Winter

All the President's Menu

White Meat Can't Jump

When Harry Met Salad

The Story of U.S.

The Wing and I

Names For Leftovers

Three wives were bemoaning their husbands' attitudes towards leftovers.

"It gets rough," one said. "My husband is a Movie Producer and he calls them 'reruns'."

"You think you have it bad," was the reply. "Mine is a Quality Control Engineer and he calls them 'rejects'!"

"That's nothing compared to me," said the third lady. "My husband is a mortician. He calls them 'remains'!"

Composed Action Stars

Steven Spielberg was discussing his new project -- an action docudrama about famous composers starring top movie stars. Sylvester Stallone, Steven Seagal, Bruce Willis, and Arnold Schwarzenegger being courted for the top roles.

Spielberg really hoped to have the box office "oomph" of these superstars, so he was prepared to allow them to select the composers they would portray, as long as they among the most famous.

"Well," started Stallone, "I've always admired Mozart. I would love to play him."

"Chopin has always been my favorite, and my image would improve if people saw me playing the piano," said Willis. "I'll play him."

"I've always been partial to Strauss and his waltzes," said Seagal. "I'd like to play him."

Spielberg was very pleased with these choices. "Sounds splendid." Then, looking at Schwarzenegger, he asked, "Who do you want to be, Arnold?"

Arnold replied, "I'll be Bach."

Some Things We Learn From Movies

• It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.
• A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
• If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
• Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization
• It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts. Your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
• When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
• No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
• Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
• When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other. If they're villains, they will probably speak with an English accent.
• Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
• An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.
• Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on.

Transporting Penguins

There was this truck driver who had to deliver five hundred penguins to the state zoo. As he was driving his truck through the desert, the truck broke down. After waiting by the side of the road for about three hours he waved another truck down and offered the driver $5,000 to take the penguins to the state zoo for him.

The next day the first truck driver arrives in town and sees the second truck driver crossing the road with 500 penguins walking single file behind him.

The first truck driver jumps out of his truck and says, "What's going on? I gave you $5,000 to take these penguins to the zoo!"

The second truck driver replies, "I did take them to the zoo. And I had a ton of money left over so now we're going to see a movie."

Hollywood Rules

1. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one, dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
2. Honest and hard-working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.
3. All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach the armpit level of a woman, but only the waist level of the man lying beside her.
4. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
5. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.
6. All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
7. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
8. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
9. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
10. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
11. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
12. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off, but luckily you'll always blindly choose to cut the right wire.
13. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
14. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

Rules For Surviving A Horror Movie

1. When it appears that you have killed the monster, never check to see if it's really dead.
2. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
3. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.
4. Never accept invitations from strangers, especially individuals who inexplicably live in isolated areas and have no contact with society.
5. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
6. If you're searching for the cause of a noise and find out that it's not just the cat, leave the room immediately if you value your life.
7. If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.
8. No alcohol or partying! These activities will surely seal your fate.
9. If you find a town that is deserted, it's probably for a reason. Take the hint and stay away.
10. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you're doing.
11. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.
12. If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help.
13. Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chain saws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any device made from deceased companions.

Thanksgiving Themed Movies

• To Kill A Walking Bird
• My Best Friend's Dressing
• The Texas Coleslaw Massacre
• Casserolablanca
• The Fabulous Baster Boys
• 12 Hungry Men
• Silence of the Yams
• For Love of The Game Hen
• I Know What You Ate Last Winter
• All the President's Menu
• White Meat Can't Jump
• When Harry Met Salad
• The Wing and I