The Flower Shop

Two members of a small monastery decided to open a florist shop to help raise money for their good works. The idea of buying beautiful flowers from gentle friars appealed to a lot of people in the town, and soon crowds were flocking to the shop.

Meanwhile, the florist across town saw his business virtually disappear when all his customers began buying flowers from the monks. He thought the monks had an unfair advantage, so he visited them and asked them to return to the monastery and leave business to businessmen. They politely declined.

So he visited the monastery and asked the Abbot to persuade the monks to abandon the business. He declined as well.

Next the florist sent his mother, his parish priest, and his children to visit the monks - each in turn asking them to cease their business so the original florist could make a living. It didn't work.

Finally, in desperation, the florist hired the town thug, Hughson McNasty, to use personal persuasion. Hugh McNasty showed up one night with a baseball bat, shattered the windows of

the monk's shop, tossed their flowers out into the street, and gave the monks black eyes, promising them he'd be back unless they closed their business.

Terrified, the monks shut their store and returned to the monastery. Proving, of course...

...only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

Plants

The teacher was telling the class about plants that have the word "dog" in front of them: dogrose, dogwood, dog violet.

She asked the class if they could name another flower with the prefix "dog."

Steven raised his hand and said, "Sure, Miss Jones, a 'collie' flower!"

Geraniums

"I'm sorry," said the clerk in flower shop, "we don't have potted geraniums. Could you use African violets instead?"

Replied the customer sadly, "No, it was geraniums my wife told me to water while she was gone.

Safe?

A young man was driving along a country road on the way to see his girl. As he passed a field the idea struck him to stop and pick a bouquet of flowers. He had barely begun romping through the field when he became aware or a rather mean looking bull not far away, with head lowered and an evil look in his eye.

Far away, leaning comfortably on the prudent side of the fence, stood a farmer taking in the situation. The young man called out to him, "Hey, mister! Is that bull safe!"

The farmer shouted back, "Safe as anything! Can't say the same about you, though!"

Business Moving

A guy has a friend who just moved his business. He decided to get a nice bouquet of flowers for his friend as a gift. He called the flower shop, they took his order, and he thought everything was great.

Two weeks later, this guy gets an invitation to come to his friend's open house, celebrating the new location. This fellow goes to the open house and it is packed. Instead of trying to find his friend immediately, the guy looks to see how his gift of flowers turned out.

After searching all over for his gift, he finally comes upon it. He thinks they look marvelous. He goes to read the card and he becomes infuriated, because it read "Rest In Peace." This guy was terribly upset that the flower company sent his friend the wrong card, and he was going to let them know about it.

The next day comes, and this guy calls the flower shop. He yells at the clerk telling him how he can't believe they messed up such a simple order.

The clerk feels terrible and apologises profusely. He then tries to see what exactly happened to this guy's flowers and seeing where they ended up, he tells the guy, "Sir, you might be upset that your friend got flowers saying 'Rest In Peace,' but just think. Somewhere there is a funeral and beside the casket there are some lovely flowers with a card
that reads 'Congratulations On Your New Location.'"

Flowers

The flower vendor was an old hand at unloading his last few bunches. Appealing to a businessman on his way home, the vendor said, "How about a nice bunch of roses to surprise your wife?"

"Haven't got a wife," responded the businessman gruffly.

"Then how about some carnations for your girlfriend?" proposed the vendor without missing a beat.

"Haven't got a girlfriend."

"You lucky guy!" The vendor broke into a big smile. "Buy both bunches to celebrate!"