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Showing posts with label bible. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bible. Show all posts

Monday, March 1, 2010

Fun In The Bible

Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A. Pharaoh's daughter went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.

Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he got married?
A. Ruthless.

Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson brought the house down.

Q. How did Adam and Eve feel when expelled from the Garden of Eden?
A. They were definitely put out.

Q. What is one of the first things Adam and Eve did after they were kicked out?
A. They raised a little Cain.

Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children to explain why he no longer lived in Eden?
A. "Your mother ate us out of house and home."

Q. What is the best way to get to Paradise?
A. Turn right and go straight.

Q. Which servant of Jehovah was the most proficient lawbreaker in the Bible?
A. Moses broke all ten commandments at once.

Q. Where is the first tennis match in the Bible?
A. Joseph served in Pharaoh's court.

Q. Where is the first recorded Biblical case of constipation?
A. In Kings where it says that David sat on the throne for forty years.

Q. Which Bible character had no parents?
A. Joshua was the son of Nun.

Q. Why didn't Noah go fishing?
A. He only had two worms!

Q. How do we know they didn't play cards in the ark?
A. Because Noah sat on the deck.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

In The Bible

Moses and his flock arrive at the sea, with the Egyptians in hot pursuit.

Moses calls a staff meeting.

Moses: Well, how are we going to get across the sea? We need a fast solution. The Egyptians are close behind us.

The General of the Armies: Normally, I'd recommend that we build a pontoon bridge to carry us across. But there's not enough time. The Egyptians are too close.

The Admiral of the Navy: Normally, I'd recommend that we build barges to carry us across. But time is too short.

Moses: Does anyone have a solution?

Just then, his Public Relations man raises his hand.

Moses: You! You have a solution?

The PR Man: No, but I can promise you this. If you can find a way out of this one, I can get you two or three pages in the Old Testament.