To pacify my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets
- They live here. You don't.
- If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
- I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
- To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they
- Eat less.
- Don't ask for money all the time.
- Are easier to train.
- Usually come when called.
- Never drive your car.
- Don't hang out with drug-using friends.
- Don't smoke or drink.
- Don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions.
- Don't wear your clothes.
- Don't need a gazillion dollars for college.
- If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
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