Hard Working City Workers

Two guys were working for the city. One would dig a hole. He would dig, dig, dig. The other would come behind him and fill the hole. Fill, fill, fill. These two men worked furiously, one digging a hole, the other filling it up again.

A man watching from the sidewalk couldn't understand what they were doing.

He says to the hole digger, "I appreciate how hard you work, but what are

you doing? You dig a hole and your partner comes behind you and fills it up again!"

The hole digger replies, "Oh yeah, must look funny, but the guy who plants

the trees is sick today."

Space Travel

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.

The Russian bragged, "We were the first in space!"

The American retorted, "We were the first on the moon!"

The Blonde said, "So what, we're going to be the first on the sun!"

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you fool. You'll burn up!" said the Russian.

To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"

Childhood

A mother was telling her little girl what her own childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods."

The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"

Biker Thoughts

• Four wheels move the body. Two wheels move the soul.
• Life may begin at 30, but it doesn't get real interesting until about 70 mph.
• You start the game of life with a full pot of luck and an empty pot of experience. The object is to fill the pot of experience before you empty the pot of luck.
• If you wait, all that happens is that you get older.
• Saddlebags can never hold everything you want, but they can hold everything you need.
• The only good view of a thunderstorm is in your rear view mirror.
• Don't ride so late into the night that you sleep through the sunrise.
• Sometimes it takes a whole tank of fuel before you can think straight.
• Never hesitate to ride past the last street light at the edge of town.
• Never do less than forty miles before breakfast.
• One bike on the road is worth two in the garage.
• Young riders pick a destination and go. Old riders pick a direction and go.
• Whatever it is, it's better to do it in the wind.
• Two-lane blacktop isn't a highway, it's an attitude.
• People are like motorcycles; each is customized a bit differently.
• The best alarm clock is sunshine on chrome.
• A friend is someone who'll get out of bed at 2 am to drive his pickup to the middle of nowhere to get you when you're broken down.
• Catching a yellow jacket in your shirt at 70 mph can double your vocabulary.
• If you want to get somewhere before sundown, you can't stop at every tavern.
• There's something ugly about a new bike on a trailer.
• A long ride can clear your mind,restore your faith and use up a lot of fuel.
• If you can't get it going with bungee cords, wire and electrical tape, it's serious.
• Never try to race an old geezer, he may have one more gear than you.
• Bikes parked out front mean good chicken-fried steak inside.
• You can forget what you do for a living when your knees are in the breeze.
• Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out the car window.
• There are two types of people in this world: people who ride motorcycles and people who wish they could.

Growning Older

An elderly husband and wife noticed that they were beginning to forget many little things around the house. They were afraid that this could be dangerous, as one of them may accidentally forget to turn off the stove and thus cause a fire.

So, they decided to go see their doctor to get some help. Their physician told them that many people their age find it useful to write themselves little notes as reminders.

The elderly couple thought this sounded wonderful, and left the doctor's office very pleased with the advice.

When they got home, the wife said, "Honey, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And why don't you write that down so you won't forget?"

"Nonsense," said the husband, "I can remember a dish of ice cream!"

"Well," said the wife, "I'd also like some strawberries on it. You better write that down, because I know you'll forget."

"Don't be silly," replied the husband. "A dish of ice cream and some strawberries. I can remember that!"

"OK, dear, but I'd like you to put some whipped cream on top. Now you'd really better write it down now. You'll forget," said the wife.

"Come now, my memory's not all that bad," said the husband. "No problem, a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream."

With that, the husband shut the kitchen door behind him. The wife could hear him getting out pots and pans, and making some noise inconsistent with his preparing a dish of ice cream, strawberries, and whipped cream. He emerged from the kitchen about 15 minutes later.

Walking over to his wife, he presented her with a plate of bacon and eggs. The wife took one look at the plate, glanced up at her husband and said, "Hey, where's the toast?

Mexican Fisherman

A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.

"Not very long," answered the Mexican.

"But then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked the American.

The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.

The American asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

"I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a siesta with my wife. In the evenings, I go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs. I have a full life."

The American interrupted, "I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat."

"And after that?" asked the Mexican.

"With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City , Los Angeles , or even New York City! From there you can direct your huge new enterprise."

"How long would that take?" asked the Mexican.

"Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years," replied the American.

"And after that?"

"Afterwards? Well my friend, that's when it gets really interesting," answered the American, laughing. "When your business gets really big, you can start buying and selling stocks and make millions!"

"Millions? Really? And after that?" asked the Mexican.

"After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends."

And the moral of this story is: Know where you're going in life. You may already be there.

Pray For Me!

One Sunday a young child was "acting up" during the morning service. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle. Finally, the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out.

Just before reaching the safety of the foyer, the little one called loudly to the congregation, "Pray for me! Pray for me!"